“You're only here for a short visit. Don’t hurry, don’t worry. And be sure to smell the flowers along the way” - Walter Hagen

Divorce can be a turbulent period for many individuals causing stress and sleeplessness. People often cope differently based on the relationship dynamics, values, intent and the state of making the decision. Whatever the reason could be, change is something every individual struggles with. Research finds that prolonged emotional stress such as divorce can reduce the overall sleep quality, total sleep and lead to fragmented sleep. This study also found that REM sleep, which is the most important part of our sleep cycle was seen to be shortened in women experience emotional distress related to divorce. 

Couples I encounter during my sessions often report feeling extremely tired and lethargic yet are unable to sleep. This often is seen to be due to the unresolved thoughts, worries and complex emotions unveiling especially during the night. If you actually pay attention, our difficult thoughts wouldn’t affect us as much during the day like it does during the night. This is because, during the day we fail to attend to it directly or keep ourselves busy with fear of remembering unhelpful emotions and memories. As a sleep coach, we directly ask our clients to address the thoughts which they are scared of in an emotionally safe environment. While also providing support to manage those difficult and confusing emotions.

Managing Sleep Issues After Divorce: 

There are many ways to manage difficult thoughts and emotions thereby gaining control over your sleep. But, it depends on personalising the plan that better addresses your personal struggles as no one struggle can be generalised. Below are a few pointers to keep in mind when you are on a healing journey. 

Be Intentional: 

I understand that uncertain changes can lead to a temporary loss of identity or pose a question about your purpose. This cannot be an excuse to sideline your life’s necessities or give yourself the basic care such as good food, exercise and ‘me time’. Whether the divorce was a self-initiated decision or not, your direction of life is within your control to lead where you want it to be. The temporary struggles are just temporary. Remember that. 

Give Yourself Grieving Period:

Often we may skip the bad part or try to force ourselves to start living or hustling right away. While it may give you temporary relief, it can often backfire when it comes to emotional suppression. For example, neglecting your emotional needs can lead to burnout, unhealthy behaviours or coping and self-deprecating tendencies. Let yourself have a period to slow down and heal. This doesn’t mean you let go of yourself and indulge in unhealthy behaviours. Be aware of your emotions, intentional about your thoughts and compassionate towards yourself. 

Set a Direction - A Path: 

I’m not sure if you’ve seen this famous movie called ‘Eat, Pray and Love’. This movie is about a woman who decides to travel to India to find herself but doesn’t have a plan. But when she starts her journey of finding herself, she finds a reason for her life. She has new direction and new goals which ignites her purpose to live. In the same way, give yourself a direction (just a turn and you don’t need to have a plan) and move ahead everyday taking smaller steps. 

I believe that you can definitely overcome this turbulent period of your life. I know, for most people it can seem like a hurricane but stay grounded and be compassionate towards yourself. You will get there. If you feel like reaching out, we have an appointment at gudsleepz and we will get back to you. 

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